Neku in Wonderland
by LovelySilversky
Summary: Exacly what it sounds like. Mostly inspired by Shibuya Cell Phones are Where Hilarity Ensues, a text conversation betw Neku and Joshu that my friend wrote. Can't promise I'll ever finish this, but as of right now, it's pretty addicting to write so yeah.
1. The Rabbit and the Knob

"Are you paying attention, Sakuraba-kun?" asked the teacher, distracting the redhead from staring out the window, scanning the school grounds out of sheer boredom.

"Uh, what was that?" Neku asked, lowering the volume of his MP3 player, pulling his headphones down to his neck, and looking to the front of the class where the teacher was speaking. He heard a few of his classmates laugh at him but ignored them. He didn't care.

"The principal wants to see you," his teacher called, holding out a hall pass.

Neku groaned and walked to the front of the classroom, ignoring as his friend Beat nudged him in the side and muttered something stupid about getting in trouble. He took the pass from the teacher and headed out the door in a very grumpy manner.

He walked down the empty school halls, as he normally would, but no matter which way he turned he couldn't seem to find the room he was looking for. In fact… none of these rooms were familiar to him. The hallway was different, now, too, the floors bearing a deep violet instead of their normal sickly pale yellow.

Normally Neku would have questioned this sudden change of scenery, but he trudged on, placing his headphones over his ears again. After some more walking he began to notice that the doors around him were now missing as well and he thought about turning back, but decided against it. Anything was better than sitting in class, listening to another one of Fujita-sensei's boring lectures.

Neku turned down a few more halls, feeling very lost. Again, he thought about turning back. He shook his head. Why bother? He'd probably just get even more lost if he tried to find his way back, so why not keep going?

"Nekuuu~"

The boy jumped as he heard his name called from behind, but he recovered quickly, turning around to see who was looking for him. His gaze was met with an empty hall, the corner he'd just came around suddenly replaced with a long stretch of purple floor.

He shivered. This was getting weirder by the second. He turned back around and caught the glimpse of a boy around his age, dressed in a black and purple bunny parka it seemed, dashing around another corner. Was that who'd called out to him? Neku couldn't see how, seeing as the boy was running away from him now but he shrugged and followed him anyway.

He peeked his head around the corner, but the boy was gone. The space ahead of Neku was a dead end, with a black and hot pick checkered wall that matched the rest of the hallway blocking his path, with no way to continue. Or so it seemed.

The sound of footsteps could be faintly heard and Neku looked down to see the boy from before, now about three inches tall, dash across the floor and up to a little brown wooden door. He said something to a girl his height who was standing next to it, nodded, opened the door, and entered.

Neku walked over to the wall and sat down on the floor, waving to the tiny girl in front of it. "Hey, how do I get in there?" he asked, pointing towards the little door she was guarding.

The girl, who was dressed in a pink shirt, green skirt, and sleeveless yellow jacket, took off her brown and white hat and looked up at Neku. "Oh, I'm afraid you're much too big to fit through the door," she shouted, setting her hat back on her head as Neku leaned down closer to her.

"How'd the other guy get in?" he asked.

"What other guy?" asked the girl, tipping her head sideways, clearly _very_confused.

Neku sighed. "The guy with silver hair. You know… he was wearing a bunny parka?"

"Oh. You mean the white rabbit." The girl said matter-of-factly, giving a determined nod. "He got in just like everyone else does."

"White?..." Neku muttered to himself, thinking that that name was a bit inaccurate. It should be black rabbit, right? Or was the name referring to his hair?... He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to be worrying about the guy's name. "So how _does_everyone else get it?" Neku asked.

"Why you shrink, of course!" The girl shouted at him, as if it was the most obvious statement in the universe. When all she received from Neku was a blank stare, she sighed and then continued. "You brought a bottle with you, didn't you?"

"A… bottle?" Neku murmured, having absolutely no idea what was going on. "Why would I have a bottle?"

"Check your pocket." The girl demanded, her hands on her hips.

Neku blinked, but did so, pulling out a small glass vile that contained a strange sort of green liquid. "Um. This isn't a bottle." He informed the girl stupidly, staring at the little label that dangled off of the cork.

_Drink me_, it stated simply in large, friendly blue letters.

He showed the label to the girl. "Should I?" he asked nervously.

"If you want to enter," she replied, pointing to the door.

"….." Neku pulled out the cork and drank the liquid. It didn't taste as awful as he thought it would. True, it tasted a bit odd and left a ramen-noodle after taste, but at least it didn't kill him or anything.

"Okay. You can enter now."

Neku jumped at how much louder the girl's voice seemed and he looked up to see that he was now roughly the same height as her. He blinked. "Um. Okay." He walked up to the door, turned the knob, and pushed. Nothing happened.

"I think it's locked," he said, turning back to the girl.

She slapped her palm to her forehead. "Of course it's locked! Don't tell me you went and forgot your key?"

"Key? How was I supposed to know I needed a key?" Neku shouted, getting very frustrated. What the hell was going on? What _was_this place?

"Oh, wait." Said the girl with a slight giggle. "I see it! It's right around your neck!"

"It's… what." Neku muttered, looking down to see that he was wearing a brown string around his neck with a simple silver key dangling from it. "…Oh." He said simply, removing the string and handing it to the girl.

She gave him a slight nod and unlocked the door, holding it open for Neku.

And so he entered.

** "Neku is about to go through a door into a world where nothing makes sense. This could have been all avoided if he had a sassy gay friend. Oh wait. He does." - My good friend Brandon**

**Anywho. The Cast So Far: Neku as Alice, Joshua as the White Rabbit, and Eri as the Doorknob. And I didn't get a chance to mention it above, but Neku's teacher was supposed to be a girl.  
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	2. The Dodo Bird and the Tweedles

The room Neku entered into was very dark, but he kept walking, not knowing what else to do. Eventually he ran into a dead end, recognized this as a door, and jiggled the handle. It all went downhill from there.

The next thing he knew he was struggling to keep himself afloat in the middle of an oceanic storm, waves threatening to drown him every five seconds or so.

"Why did you have to cry so much?" called a voice, startling the boy and nearly making him drown.

Neku looked up to see a spiky-haired man and two others with hoodies that hid their faces floating towards him in a row boat. The spiky-haired one was wearing a blue shirt and green cargo pants. He also had a black hoodie with white squiggles on it. One of the hooded guys was wearing the same hoodie with a red bandana covering his mouth, and the third guy had on a red hoodie with a black shirt and blue jeans. All three of them had large black wings.

Neku swam over to them and the spiky-haired one helped him climb in. "Excuse me?" he asked, trying to comb the water out of his hair.

"This," said the man with the spiky blonde hair, waving to the ocean around them. "is all of the tears you've cried throughout your entire life." He nodded.

The black hoodie guy nodded as well. "You've cried a lot."

"A lot," agreed Mr. Red hoodie.

"…Right." Neku muttered with a roll of his eyes. He barely ever cried. In fact the only recent time he could remember was when... or was that time a dream? It certainly seemed like it'd been a dream. He shook his head. "Who are you guys anyway?"

"I'm the Dodo Bird," Spiky-Hair said with a smile and a wave. "And these two are…" he trailed off pointing to the two hoodie guys, who looked at each other for a moment, turned back to Neku, and shrugged.

"…So they're nameless?" Neku asked.

The Dodo Bird shrugged. "I guess so."

"What, you don't know?" Neku growled. "Aren't they your friends?" Why was he getting so worked up about this?

The Dodo Bird shrugged again. "You don't know anything about someone to become their friend. You'll learn more about them as time goes on, anyway. Did you know anything about the Hare when you first met her?"

Neku blinked. What the hell was this guy talking about? Who was the Hare? "Um…"

"Well, we have other business to attend to anyway so…" The Dodo Bird stood and shoved Neku over the side of the rowboat.

"Wait, what?" Neku shouted back at him, attempting to stay afloat.

"You'll be fine!" The Dodo Bird insisted as the two hoodie guys started to row the boat away. "Just keep swimming. Land is straight ahead!"

Neku groaned, and started to swim to what looked like a chuck of land somewhere in the distance. He found it easier to swim underwater instead of struggling above it, even though that meant his headphones and mp3 player would probably be ruined by the time he reached land. Surviving with no music or dying with it? Tough choice there.

Neku reached land quicker than he thought he would, wading his way to a small shore just outside of a _very_green forest. Had that boy come through here? The White Rabbit or whoever? He hoped so. Finding that boy seemed like the best way for Neku to find his way back home.

"Oh hey, look, it's Alice." Said a voice from up ahead.

Neku looked up to see two people, a boy and a girl in their late teens, dressed in yellow shirts, red pants, blue bowties, and red caps with yellow flags on top. The boy had fluffy orange hair and was holding a lollipop, and the girl had short pink hair and designer high heel white boots.

…Neku groaned.

"What do you guys want?" he called. "And the name's Neku, not Alice."

"No, you're most definitely named Alice," said Lollipop. "But since you insist on introductions…" he trailed off and looked towards Pinky, motioning for her to continue.

"I'm Tweedledee." She said simply, giving Neku a look freakishly similar to the look a snake might give a mouse before it kills it. Neku shivered. "That over there's Tweedledum." She continued, pointing towards Lollipop.

"…Right," said Neku, starting to walk past them. "Well I'm kind of in a rush so if you don't mind-

"Well what are you in a rush for?" asked Tweedledum, stepping in front of Neku to block his path.

"Well there's this guy…" Neku explained as Tweedledee and Tweedledum stepped a little closer to him, invading his personal space, he felt. "The uh… White Rabbit or whatever. And I'm trying to find him."

Tweedledee shook her head and turned towards her friend or brother or whatever it was these two were. "Sounds to me like someone's _curious_…" she said sadly.

Tweedledum agreed with a sad nod.

Neku rolled his eyes. "And what's so wrong with being curious?"

"The oysters were curious too," Tweedledum said simply, shaking his head.

"And we all know what happened to them…" Tweedledee continued.

"…Curious oysters? What the hell?" Neku was seriously starting to get sick of this place.

"Yes, the oysters were very, _very_curious…" Tweedledee and Tweedledum said in harmony.

"…Okay, fine. What happened to the oysters?" Neku groaned.

"Well…" Said Tweedledee.

"They died." Finished Tweedledum.

"…Yeah okay I'm leaving." Neku decided, turning to walk around them again.

"Wait!" shouted the Tweedles.

"What the hell do you guys _want_? Neku asked, turning around to face them again.

"You're all wet." Tweedledee said simply, looking towards Tweedledum, motioning for him to continue, which he did: "At least change your clothes before leaving," he said, pulling out a gothic maid outfit from behind his back and offering it to Neku.

"…N-No thanks." Neku said awkwardly, trying to step around them again.

The Tweedles jumped at him, though, and somehow managed to force him into the dress.

Great.

Just great.

**...I think I love this. And when this is all done with I think I'll redo it to merge it into a single chapter. Because these chapters are much too short D:  
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**Cast so far: Neku as Alice, Joshua as The White Rabbit, Eri as the Doorknob, 777 as The Dodo Bird, Tenho and BJ as random nameless people, ? as The Hare (YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GUESS), Uzuki as Tweedledee, Kariya as Tweedledum.**


	3. The Cat and the Caterpilar

After Neku's little run in with the Tweedles, he was not pleased one bit. His day was going absolutely awful. He'd gotten lost in the school hallway, nearly drowned in what was supposedly an ocean full of tears, gotten forced into a frilly ribbon-laced dress, and now he was wandering through the forest, trying to track some guy named The White Rabbit. A truly awful day indeed.

After wandering alone through what seemed to be some strange foreign forest, completely lost, for what felt like hours, Neku found that he was starting to feel rather hungry.

"Damn it," he swore, pausing to sit down on a fallen log, realizing that this venture through… wherever it is he was had cost him his lunch period.

He heaved a sigh, looking up at the tree leaves blocking what Neku assumed was a blue sky. He couldn't be too sure, though. Nothing seemed to make sense here. The sky could be orange for all he knew.

"Well you seem rather lost," yet another new voice called.

Neku groaned and buried his face in his knees, not wanting to meet any other freaks, especially dressed the way he was. "Go away," he grumbled.

"Okay," responded the voice.

It was silent for the few minutes that followed.

"…" Neku looked up. There was no one there. "Damn it," he swore again. "This is just great. I'm imagining things now, am I?..." he muttered to himself, not expecting any kind of answer.

"Yes. You are." Replied the voice from before.

Neku jumped, startled, and fell backwards off the log he was sitting on. He groaned, stood up, patted the dust off of his dress, and looked in the direction he'd heard the voice from. And sure enough, there, in the middle of the woods, was a single floating crescent moon smile.

"…Hi," said Neku, not knowing what else to do. He gave a small wave as well.

"Hello," said the smile, the space around it becoming distorted as the man that the grin belonged to faded into reality.

Neku stared at him. The man seemed in his late twenties and had black hair that fell to his shoulders. He was wearing red headphones around his neck as well as silver-rimmed sunglasses over his eyes. He was wearing a purple and pink striped suit and for some reason had matching cat ears and a tail.

"…Who the hell are you?"

"The Cheshire Cat," said the man, returning Neku's small wave from earlier.

"…Oh."

_Well I guess that explains the ears…_thought Neku.

"So, as I said before…" said the cat, disappearing again and then reappearing right next to Neku. "You seem rather lost, Alice. Is there anything I might be able to help you with?"

"W-well, I _am_kind of hungry…" Neku stuttered, jumping a bit. "And it's Neku. Not Alice."

"Well, Alice," said the cat, beginning to fade again. "You should probably concentrate more on the task at hand than be worrying about food, but…" he reached into his pocket, grabbed a small gift box, and threw it towards Neku before fading completely.

Neku caught the box and tugged the ribbon until it came undone, the sides falling down to reveal a small berry.

"…" Neku stared at it. What the hell? This was it? Neku remembered the green liquid from before. Would this berry make him shrink, too? Or perhaps it would make him grow. It would make sense that foods would do the opposite of beverages, didn't it? He shook his head. He didn't even care anymore. He just wanted to eat. So he ate the berry.

A minute later he was roughly the size of an ant, the cardboard that had once held the berry floating down from above and burying him a few moments later.

"Hey!" someone shouted. "Factoring hectopascal! _Don't litter_!"

Neku climbed out from under the gift wrapping and looked up to see a dark skinned man with silver hair and a black cap sitting on the top of a mushroom and wrapped in what looked like a cocoon.

"Um," replied Neku with a blank look on his face. What was _this guy_supposed to be? A Metapod? Or some lame attempt at a caterpillar?

"SO ZETTA SLOW!" the Metapod/caterpillar shouted at him.

"…what."

"I _said_, you're **so zetta slow**." repeated the man, struggling to sit up in his cocoon.

"Well I'm uh… sorry?... Look, I'm just trying to get home." Neku groaned. "Do you have any weird kind of potion or berry that'll make me bigger?..."

"Yes." Replied the caterpillar (Neku decided he was a caterpillar).

"…So can I have it?" Neku asked hopefully.

"If you answer my question," the caterpillar smirked, lighting a cigarette with a match and sticking it into his mouth, leaning his head off of the side of the mushroom so he was now looking at Neku upside down.

Neku walked a little closer, coughing a bit when he approached a cloud of smoke. "Alright… fine." He managed between coughs. "What's your… question?"

"What do I eat for breakfast?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?" Neku shouted, sick of all this nonsense.

"SOHCATTOA," the caterpillar replied simply, as if it was a hint.

"Um. Alright…" Neku muttered, trailing off in thought for a moment or two before replying. "Some of… hash-browns. And then maybe… Cereal and tofu… and uh… Tons of apples?"

"SO ZETTA WRONG!" Caterpillar Man shouted. "The answer was Slabs of Ham, Celery and Horseradish, Tons of Asparagus.

"…Those aren't breakfast foods." Neku informed him.

The caterpillar rolled his eyes. "Okay. Another riddle then."

Neku groaned. "Really?"

The caterpillar ignored him and went on with the riddle. "You're driving a bus. Two kids get on. One kid gets off. Forty-two kids get on, twelve get off. Another fifteen kids get on. Two get off. One thousand eight hundred and sixty-two kids get on and the square root of one hundred forty-four get off. You got that?"

Neku took a few minutes, struggling to add and subtract all the numbers in his head, before replying. "Y-yeah, I think I got it… There were uh… one thousand seven hundre-

"What was the name of the driver?" the caterpillar interrupted, taking his cigarette away from his mouth for s moment to exhale some smoke that curled itself into some strange sort of complicated algebra equation before fading away.

"…What," said Neku. "Well how the hell am I supposed to know that?"

"…Guess."

Neku groaned. "Well I don't know!" he shouted, slapping his forehead with his palm before continuing. "Um. Is it whatever the hell your name is?..."

The caterpillar shook his head, blowing out some more smoky math problems. "You moronic zero…" he sighed. "_You_were driving the bus, idiot. So the correct answer was 'Alice'."

"My name's not Alice!" Neku shouted for what felt like _at least_the hundredth time that day. "It's Neku Saku-

"You know how much weight I'll let you carry in my garden, Alice?" the caterpillar interrupted.

"…I don't know." Neku sighed.

"One yoctogram."

"…a yoctowhat?"

"That puts you on the microscopic level."

It was silent for the few minutes that followed. This guy was making absolutely no sense.

"So are you gonna help me or not?" Neku asked after a bit.

The caterpillar blinked and pointed to a small patch of mushrooms that were laying under his own huge fungus. "Half of them do something. The other half does something else."

Half of the mushrooms were blue. The other half was red. Neku stared at them. Had they been there before? He turned back to ask the caterpillar which color did what, but the man was now fully wrapped in his cocoon.

Caterpillar had officially evolved into Metapod.

Neku sighed. Whatever. He had a 50/50 chance, right? And even if he picked the wrong mushroom and wound up shrinking, he could always just eat the other color afterwards, right? Neku nodded to himself. Looked like taste-testing was the only way.

**THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE TEA COFFEE PARTY. Can you guess who the hatter is, yet~?**

**CAST SO FAR:**  
><strong>Neku as Alice<strong>  
><strong>Joshua as The White Rabbit<strong>  
><strong>Eri as the Doorknob<strong>  
><strong>777 as The Dodo Bird<strong>  
><strong>Tenho and BJ as random nameless people<strong>  
><strong>? as The Hare (You should be able to guess :I)<strong>  
><strong>Uzuki as Tweedledee<strong>  
><strong>Kariya as Tweedledum<strong>  
><strong>Megumi as The Cheshire Cat<strong>  
><strong>Sho as The CaterpillarMetapod**


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